It was 10pm. I was exhausted and the room was spinning. I had a temperature. I think it was almost 42°C. There were people rushing in and out of the room. I had just had my epidural topped up however, the anaesthetist had managed to pull the line out of somewhere and was trying to put it back in. I felt drunk. I had no awareness of pain. I had no awareness of anything really.
The Doctor checked if I had dilated any further. I had been stuck at around 4 cms for the last few hours and my cervix was swelling around the baby's head. If I hadn't dilated fully, I was off to the theatre to have a sunroof delivery.
"You are fully dilated, but the baby is still quite high up. You'll need to start pushing to try and get the baby to come down."
What a relief! I wouldn't have to have a C-section. Now it was time to push this baby out. I wasn't scared at all; I thought I might have been. However, being drugged up to the eyeballs didn't help me. I couldn't feel my contractions so I had no idea when I was supposed to be pushing. The midwife, a new one, was no help either. She simply turned to me and said, "Get on with it!"
I tried and tried to push but eventually gave up exhausted. I wanted to sleep. Husband was so frustrated for me and I think he wanted to punch the midwife.
The Doctor came back and saw that I had made no progress.
"We'll use forceps to deliver the baby."
Again, I wasn't scared. Some people say the drugs can make you feel like you are standing in the room looking down on yourself. The drugs made me feel like I was on another planet. I just let them get on with what they had to do.
I was prepared for the forceps delivery. I'm not sure whether I had to have my womanhood cut in order for them to get them in but I do remember feeling my baby being pulled down from my stomach and out of it. It was horrific. I wanted to be sick. It felt like they did it quite easily but Husband said the Doctor had one foot on the bed to stop it moving and Husband and the midwife had to hold me down.
My baby was delivered on to my chest at 12:05am on a Friday morning in June. I looked down but didn't see much. I remember trying to see what we had but I couldn't see. Husband told me we had a boy. I was happy. But the baby wasn't crying and he was taken away from me almost as quickly as he had been placed on to my chest...
This post is for Flashback Friday which is hosted by these lovely ladies...
